Professional skills you wish you had learned

Not everybody approaches education with the same goal. High school and higher education serve different purposes for each student. For some pupils, school is a direct path to a job. For others, it is a chance to learn for the sake of personal growth. Visit any classroom and you’ll encounter students with a variety of goals for their education.

Regardless of what you want school to be, most people seem to agree that an education should set you up with at least a basic set of skills. Not a universal set — no one expects someone who studied nursing to have an identical skill set as someone who studied accounting. But when you have employers posting jobs that say a high school diploma or four-year degree is a requirement, you realize they expect you to have crossed a certain threshold. Still you seem to hear frustrated employers and employees wondering aloud, “Why didn’t they teach this in school?”

From not knowing how to balance a checkbook to handling a tough boss, many schools don’t teach their students how to deal with basic issues they will encounter in their career. We asked employees and employers what skills they wish were taught in schools to see what they thought were the most glaring omissions. Here are their responses:

Communication skills
“Small talk. Probably the most important skill in business is how to engage people you barely know, how to hold your own in cocktail party and dinner conversation, and how to respond graciously to idiots, drunks and other problem personalities.” - Maureen Wall Bentley, vice president of brand strategy for Aartrijk

“Reading between the lines in other people’s words to find subtle indicators of dissatisfaction with what you’re doing (or not doing).” – Jeff Deutsch, life coach and presenter

“Public speaking. I was fortunate to have competed on a speech and debate team in high school, but most kids don’t get that training — and it’s truly priceless. I recently tracked down my coach and thanked him.” – Bentley

“One of the most important skills we have in business is the ability to truly listen — in fact, the skill of active listening. Many times, when people are giving a presentation, [participating in a] Q&A or doing a media interview, they’re listening with an intention to answer versus listening to fully understand and empathize with the person speaking. It’s a critical life skill, and one very few people have mastered.” - Bronwyn Saglimbeni, public speaking and media coach

Personal development
“[How] to be OK to change what you are doing to pursue something you are [passionate] about … even if it means working for yourself.” – Carrie Middlemiss, owner of Bella Cupcake Couture

“Time management. I had no idea how to organize my time to prioritize what needed doing.” – William Duke, president of Duke Computer Solutions

“Success. Schools do not discuss how to determine what success is for the individual. We leave everyone to figure out for themselves what they want, or just go for money.” – Duke

“Independent problem solving — how to get things done by yourself and use strategy, deductive reasoning and common sense to do it when you aren’t well-versed in the area and stuck doing it on your own.” – Sabina Ptacin, partner and chief creative strategist for Red Branch Public Relations

“Actual hands-on accounting skills, such as budgeting, reading financial reports, financial instruments and their use.” – Gary A. Powell, head of Financial Security Specialists

“Your values may not be the organization’s values. If your parents raised you with a strong ‘universal’ value set, you may be shocked that an organization’s values focus primarily on their goals — not yours or your parents.” - Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach

“Knowing when to say no and just slow down — my first few years all I did was work — but now I know what offers and networking events to say no to, what projects to pass on and when to just call it a day. My work is better, my creative juices are stronger and more creative, and I’m a nicer person to be around at home. – Ptacin

Interacting with others

“Relating to customers, superiors and peers. No matter how high you climb, you will always have all three to answer to.” – Deutsch

“Gauging how important a particular issue is to someone.” – Deutsch

“Tips on the best ways to ask for what you want and not to be afraid to do so.” – Middlemiss

“Sales. No matter what you think, you’ll be selling. Everyone’s selling something; even if it’s just themselves. Let’s teach our kids how.” – Duke

“That corporate meetings, like staff meetings where people are supposed to openly discuss changes to the organization, are not what they seem — open places to discuss changes to the organization. Instead the concept of working around the office with smaller groups to gain buy in on projects is key before taking anything up the chain or to the larger group.” - Paul Hager, partner at Information Technology Professionals

“Manual labor. Everyone should have a manual labor job at some point. Wait tables and wash dishes. Pump gas. Mow lawns. A little humility is good for you and might prevent you from being a jerk later in life.” – Duke

“Everyone likes and benefits from a positive attitude and genuine praise.” - Nasser

All things boss-related
“Not all in management have true leadership ability. Not all have good management skills. Others are learning how to be managers after they get the job. Learn how to communicate and work with these bosses or be prepared to get a different job. Simply complaining about it is never a good step.” - Nasser

“Practical aspects of management: hiring and firing skills, personnel management and employee assistance program management.” - Powell

“To let your boss know in advance if an issue is going to explode in her or his face. Would you want to experience a negative surprise in front of others?” - Nasser

Anthony Balderrama is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, The Work Buzz. He researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/abalderrama.

By: Anthony Balderrama, PrimeCB.com writer

Author BJ Gallagher, who has been a boss and worked for male and female bosses, has a list of tips she’s titled, “How to Tell a Male Boss From a Female Boss.” Among the helpful hints:

· A male boss is aggressive; a female boss is pushy.
· A male boss is attentive to details; a female boss is picky.
· He knows how to follow through; she doesn’t know when to quit.
· He’s ambitious; she’s driven.
· He loses his temper occasionally; she can’t control her emotions.
· He isn’t afraid to say what he thinks; she’s mouthy.
· He’s a man of action; she’s impulsive.
· He controls his emotions; she’s cold.
· He thinks before he acts; she can’t make up her mind.
· He thinks before he speaks; she second-guesses herself.
· He tells it like it is; she’s tactless.

The list might read like an e-mail forward that people laugh at, but considering the average American woman earns approximately 21 percent less than the average man, is there any truth to these perceptions?

“I can tell you that the exact same behavior is judged differently, depending on whether it’s a male or a female doing the behavior. This is true at all levels in the organization,” says Gallagher, author of “Everything I Need to Know I Learned From Other Women.”

It’s all about perceptions
Vicky Oliver, author of “Bad Bosses, Crazy Coworkers and Other Office Idiots,” says she sees the differences in how people perceive professional men and women. Oliver says leaders of both genders can show aggression and still be accepted by their employees. The problem arises for midlevel professionals.

“Yelling, berating underlings, slamming doors, throwing chairs and loud, truculent phone conversations with vendors on speakerphone that everyone can hear can sometimes be career-stallers,” Oliver explains. “If a woman acts out, underlings will gossip about her, and eventually their whispers will be overheard by someone in top management. If a man in the middle behaves in the same way, sometimes underlings will strive to ally with him. They may perceive that he is powerful or protected. His behavior is still errant, but it’s less likely to get him in trouble because he’ll have more allies to defend him if push comes to shove.”

Obviously, abrasive behavior isn’t the entire problem. How people react to it is also an issue, and it carries over into other types of workplace behavior.

“Crying is the worst emotion to show at the office, and unfortunately, this is generally a female response,” Oliver says. “Crying makes everyone around you feel like you’re weak and out of control, and it will positively unnerve some men in the office who won’t know how to react. Crying seems to be mildly acceptable in certain circumstances (such as when a female employee is laid off); it’s never acceptable as a response to a disagreement or office showdown.”

Naturally, if people didn’t let tears unnerve them, becoming emotional wouldn’t be a problem. But the fact that we use “emotional” to describe tears — but not screaming — alludes to the problem, considering that they’re both effects of an emotion.

Beware of the ‘crazy’ woman
Clinical social worker Irina Firstein has been a therapist for more than 20 years and has seen the problem firsthand.

“Unfortunately, it has been my experience that the workplace is more forgiving of a man than a woman,” Firstein says. “A man being emotional usually means inability to control temper. A woman being emotional is being ‘crazy.’”

In Firstein’s opinion, the problem doesn’t come only from men. She says women are more tolerant of a man’s unfavorable behavior than a woman’s. As a result, a strong woman is seen as competition by male and female colleagues alike, putting her in a tougher spot than her male counterparts.

Oliver suggests you try to understand the behavior. You don’t have to like it, but you might be able to handle it with less bias.

“I feel that sometimes people react at the office in a similar way as they’ve been conditioned to in their personal lives,” she says. Fits of rage could be the result of upbringing or a current household, not necessarily your performance. “If you happen to be on the receiving end of [someone's] outbursts, it’s helpful to remind yourself that most over-the-top reactions are not about business … it is personal, and it’s about something in that person’s life that has nothing whatsoever to do with you. The person is just venting steam.”

Does that mean you have to accept what’s happening? No. Learning how to deal with an angry boss is one thing; learning how to stand up for yourself is another.

Know when to speak up
If you’re a woman, you could find yourself in this situation more often than you’d like. Author Judy Hoffman still remembers a specific instance when she let intimidation get the best of her.

“I was the only woman on the executive team of our small chemical manufacturing company. At meetings, whenever I would voice my opinion, one male chauvinist — the vice president of manufacturing — would sit with his head in his hands, elbows on the table, looking down at the floor,” Hoffman says. “It was very clear what he was saying: ‘Why in the world would this woman be allowed to sit at the same table with us men, daring to give advice to the president of the company?’”

Hoffman hadn’t received that kind of hostility while at the company for 16 years prior to his arrival, and she didn’t confront him on the issue.

“To this day, I’m embarrassed that I did not deal with it better as I let it fluster me,” she recalls. “But it didn’t make me stop speaking up when called for.”

Even if Hoffman didn’t address the VP, she didn’t let him alter her behavior because she knew the problem was his and not hers. When you think about it, if an outspoken woman is going to be called mouthy and a quiet one will be labeled a pushover, what do you have to lose by being strong-willed?

Anthony Balderrama is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, The Work Buzz. He researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/abalderrama.

Lying in any capacity is generally not advised — especially at work. More often than not, your lies will catch up to you or run away from you. Either way, you’re left in the dust, with a pink slip likely in your hand.

We’ve talked about lying in an interview, at work or on your résumé, but what about when it comes to lying to your boss? Are there exceptions to the rule?

Shawn Achor, a consultant and psychology expert, says that in every workplace where he has consulted, he’s found that most people lie when there is no “psychological safety.”

“There is no psychological safety when managers don’t allow humans to be humans — i.e., to make mistakes and to not be perfect,” Achor says. “If a manager is unable to hear about negative things, confusion or setbacks, then that manager is going to get lied to often. Good managers want an accurate assessment of the present, even if it is not good. Bad bosses want the semblance of progress in the present, at the cost of future successes.”

Even if this sounds like a position you’re in, it doesn’t mean that it’s acceptable for you to lie, says Mark Goulston, author of “Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.”

“Other than telling your boss something they’re wearing looks nice when it doesn’t, or that they spoke clearly when they didn’t, I can’t think of any instances where it’s OK to lie to a boss. I can think of many instances where you can get away with it, especially when most bosses don’t tell the complete truth,” Goulston says. “I think of those as fibs. The problem is that what starts out as a little bad habit can become a way of life. If you start with a few little fibs, it can be a slippery slope until you’re always doing it.”

Whether or not it’s OK to lie to your boss, workers will do it anyway. Here are five common situations when workers are tempted to lie and whether or not they should tell the truth:

Situation No. 1: The boss asks you to do something that you don’t want to do
Should you lie? It’s OK to fib about this to your boss and say you’re “happy” to do something for him or her, even if you’re not. Doing so shows your boss that you’re a team player and you’ll do whatever it takes to help the company succeed.

“Try to adjust your mindset to being appreciative about something in your job or that you even have a job, to make the ‘happy’ be sincere. In other words, let your happiness to have a job supersede your unhappiness at having to do any task that comes with it,” Goulston says. “Also, realize that it will work out much better for you if you are low-maintenance — easy to please, difficult to upset — than if you are high-maintenance — difficult to please, easy to upset.”

Situation No. 2: You overslept and are late to work
Should you lie? It depends — telling your boss your alarm didn’t go off (when you actually turned it off and went back to bed) might be an acceptable explanation, Goulston says — but only once.

“Use it twice and it becomes an excuse; use it more than twice and you’re running the risk of being seen as disorganized [and] irresponsible, which can work against you at review time,” he says.

Situation No. 3: You’re confused about a project, but say you don’t have any questions to save face
Should you lie? It’s OK to tell your boss that you don’t have any questions when you really do, but only if you know you will be able to get an answer from someone else, Goulston says. If you don’t get an answer, however, and it leads to you doing something wrong, you risk getting pounced on later.

“A way to speak back respectfully and appreciatively to whoever gives you the order is to say, ‘This is too important for me to misunderstand what you said, because neither you nor I will be happy if I end up doing the wrong thing. Would you please repeat what you said or say it in a different way?’” Goulston suggests.

Situation No. 4: You’re behind on a project, but say you’re on track to avoid getting in trouble
Should you lie? If this is the only time you’ve been behind on a project, it’s OK to say you’re on track, Goulston says. That is, if you think you’ll be able to finish the project by its deadline. But, if you repeatedly lie about being on schedule and you miss deadlines, you run the risk of being seen as disorganized, irresponsible or unreliable.

“You don’t want to take that chance because your boss can quickly put you in the same category as others they view that way,” he says. “And you don’t want to be painted with the same brush as people your boss regards as slackers.”

Situation No. 5: You call in sick, but really, you just want a day off
Should you lie? If you need a day off, it’s best to just be honest and ask for one. “If you’re like many people, calling in sick may cause you fear of being found out or guilt that you’ve lied, which can take the enjoyment out of that day off,” Goulston says. “That would defeat the purpose.”

At the end of the day, Goulston suggests remembering that although your boss might be upset at first, he or she will forgive an honest mistake. But, your boss will never forgive or forget if you lie about it.

Rachel Zupek is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, The Work Buzz. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Follow her on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CBwriterRZ.

Remember when your parents told you to always tell the truth? And then one day you answered the phone and the annoying neighbor asked to talk to your dad. He whispered to you, “Tell them I’m not here.” Thus began a series of contradictory behavior by your parents that led you to wonder why they weren’t following their own advice. By now you’ve probably realized no one is immune from this behavior, which can best be summarized as, “Do as I say, not as I do.”

This phenomenon still manifests itself in our daily lives, though we might not realize it. Look no further than your interactions at work. Someone enthusiastically says “yes” but is sporting a frown. You try to act calm when you talk to the CEO, but you can’t stop tapping your pen against the table. Our body language gives us away every time, and being able to decode it would benefit you and your career, says Dennis Kravetz, author of the book “Relating Effectively.”

“Nobody can control their body language for more than a few moments at a time,” Kravetz says. “This is why it is so powerful to read body language. People can control the words that they say, but they cannot mask their body language and true feelings for more than a few moments.”

The problem isn’t whether or not we can read body language, he explains. We all read it, but not everyone does anything about it or knows what to do about it.

“For example, a guy may see his spouse or co-worker walking around and slamming doors and cabinets and putting the heels of her shoes right through the carpeting. He asks his wife or co-worker, ‘Is something wrong?’ She says, ‘No.’ So he goes about his business,” Kravetz says.

What to look for
Nick Morgan, president and founder of the communications organization Public Words, has spent enough time researching body language that he has identified certain clues for body language giveaways, and you’ll recognize each of them in the workplace:

· “Beyond the eyes and face, look for the torso to be turned away (lying) or toward you (truth).”
· “If the voice is carefully controlled or a little higher pitched than usual, the person may be attempting to conceal something.”
· “Most of us, when we lie, turn our head away or tip it up or down so as to move it away from the other person.”
· “I’ve seen people in a meeting lean back and put their hands behind their head in order to express their superiority over the rest of the room. It’s arrogant but effective.”
· “Powerful people also take up more space: They splay their legs out, or their arms, or hog more space in the room. It’s why important people get bigger hotel rooms than lesser folk, and it’s why tall people are statistically more likely to rise higher in their professions than shorter people. The alpha dog strikes again.”
· “What is [the hand] doing? Is it clenched or nervously kneading the other hand? Is it twitchy or attempting to conceal itself in a pocket?”

What can you do
Author and speaker Selena Rezvani says that body language often overshadows what people say, so she recommends that professionals learn how to convey the right message through their actions.

· Project your voice
The right volume can enhance your message. “When you are speaking, project your voice at a level that sounds assertive and confident,” Rezvani explains. “Practice speaking confidently — no matter what you are saying — by projecting your voice and finding your perfect volume.”

· Find the right posture
“Posture is conveyed from the way you sit to how you walk and carry yourself,” she says. “When attending a meeting, sit upright with an open torso, which shows both comfort and confidence. If standing or presenting, keep your posture open with your torso facing your audience and maintain strong eye contact with the audience. When in group settings, avoid the common mistake of having side conversations, which tend to alienate others.”

· Eye contact matters
“Make strong eye contact with everyone from the receptionist to the chief executive of your company. Resist the urge to look down or look away if you are nervous. Being mindful about keeping strong eye contact can help build your confidence and send the message that you are interested in others, engaged and self-assured,” she says.

· Shake with a purpose
“A strong, firm handshake communicates to those you are meeting that you are someone to be taken seriously,” Rezvani says. “A firm handshake is best executed while making full, friendly eye contact.”

Of course, body language varies from culture to culture, so always know your audience. Whether you are visiting another country or are dealing with professionals from a different background, do your research so you know whether your for eye contact and handshakes are going to be read similarly or if you’ll be offending anyone.

Anthony Balderrama is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, The Work Buzz. He researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/abalderrama.

When most people think about physical contact with a co-worker, their first thought is about sexual harassment. While most workers know the rules about inappropriate or offensive touching in the workplace, many people don’t think twice about other forms of physical contact with co-workers like handshakes or pats on the back.

“The truth is that workers have very different levels of tolerance for physical contact of any type,” says Amy Epstein Feldman, general counsel of the Judge Group Inc., a Pennsylvania-based consulting and staffing firm, and author of “So Sue Me, Jackass!” “In fact, because a person’s individual sensitivities and need for personal space varies so widely, inappropriate touching — from a happy slap on the back to a welcoming kiss on the cheek to an angry pointed finger in someone’s chest — are all the subject of complaints to management.”

Why should you care? Aside from the fact that you don’t want to find yourself unexpectedly slapped with a sexual harassment suit, Feldman says no one wants to be typed as “creepy Bob from accounting” or “desperate Mary” who has to hug everyone who comes through the door.

Read on to learn more about what is and isn’t appropriate in terms of physical contact at work.

Inappropriate versus appropriate
Obviously, certain gestures in the workplace are unmistakably offensive or sexual, but many people don’t think about other forms of physical contact that might be uncomfortable for others. People do something jokingly, for example, like reaching out and giving a “funny” slap on the behind, without thinking twice, Feldman says.

“There are forms of touching that are rarely considered offensive that can be misconstrued. A boss who pokes his subordinates to illustrate a point is seen as a bully, but the physical contact plays into the monstrous image. A pat on the back or the shoulder, [or] a two-handed handshake while looking into someone’s eyes, can give a co-worker the creeps,” Feldman says. “The person who is initiating the contact in no way means to be offensive, but the person being touched is often highly offended. When faced with a complaint, it seems obvious in retrospect that slapping someone’s behind was a bad idea.”

So how does “inappropriate touching” differ from sexual harassment? Feldman says that sexual harassment is unwelcome sexual conduct in the workplace and that it comes in two forms: quid pro quo and hostile work environment. In quid pro quo, a supervisor bases your job duties on your consent to sexual acts, whereas in a hostile work environment, the workplace is permeated with jokes, gestures, pictures or offensive touching. It becomes a hostile and abusive work environment, even if the conduct is not directed at the person who is offended.

“While inappropriate touching can be a component of either type of sexual harassment, you don’t have to be inappropriately touched to be sexually harassed, nor have you necessarily faced sexual harassment just because you’ve faced inappropriate touching,” Feldman says.

What should I do?
If you’re dealing with a co-worker whose physical contact with you is bothersome, Feldman suggests being direct without being confrontational. Try a joke (”In my culture that means we’re married. Don’t make me take you home to meet Mama!”) or a nonconfrontational statement (”I’m not a big hugger because it makes me uncomfortable”). If the offender still doesn’t get it, Feldman suggests bringing it to the attention of human resources or management.

Here are five boundaries Feldman says to remember the next time you want to high-five or hug your co-worker:

1. Hands off
“It seems too obvious to say, but it’s a lesson some still need to learn: The No. 1 rule is to keep your hands off your own or anyone else’s private parts in an office. Even as a joke; even ‘man-to-man.’ You’d be surprised how many people think it’s hilarious to reach out and grab someone. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER do that.”

2. Know your audience
“Any touching — even a pat on the back — before you know someone is too personal for strangers. So make sure that you really know your co-worker before engaging in any physical contact, even a high five.”

3. Think about hygiene
“Don’t ever shake hands with someone in the bathroom before you’ve washed your hands. Don’t cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze and then shake someone’s hand. They don’t know how to handle it. And remember that in the swine flu frenzy, a warm smile and a nice greeting (’I'm so glad to see you!’) without touching might serve you better in the long run.”

4. Remember than not all offensive touching is sexual — sometimes it’s just hostile
“Bullies don’t just exist on the playground. Poking someone in the chest while making an angry point, grabbing someone’s arm or any other touching done when angry can lead to dismissal if your action is seen as physically threatening.”

5. Be sensitive to others’ sensitivities toward touching
“Do they lean in when you go to kiss their cheek or do they grimace and move backward? Do they initiate pats on the back or is it only one-sided? You don’t need people to avoid you in the hallway because they fear the dreaded ‘man hug’ you give.”

Rachel Zupek is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, The Work Buzz. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Follow her on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CBwriterRZ.

What they teach us about work etiquette

Anthony Balderrama, PrimeCB.com writer

Children are loud and uninhibited. It’s in their nature — they’re supposed to be rambunctious and noisy (to a point). A child can be sitting two feet from you and she will speak at the same volume she uses when she’s playing on the soccer field. That’s when you politely say, “Use your indoor voice.”

Of course, even when using their indoor voice, most children don’t think to filter their thoughts before they speak. How many parents lie about something (”It’s a pleasure to meet your husband”) only to have their children ruin everything (”You’re right, Mom, he does look like my gerbil!”)? Immediately after this occurrence, parents teach their children that some information should stay private.

If you’ve held any job for more than a few days, you’ve probably realized that some parents didn’t do a good enough job with their children. Some professionals can have fancy job titles and drive cars worth more than your college education, but they don’t know how to use their indoor voices or when to keep some information to themselves.

We asked people to tell us some of the most outrageous things they’ve heard at work (but not necessarily at their current places of employment). Here are four responses and the lessons we can all learn from them:

1. “Fernando just called in. He says he can’t come to work because God called him on the phone last night. I asked him how he knew it was God (besides Him saying so, of course), and he said because his phone had been disconnected awhile back, and only God could have called on a disconnected phone.” – overheard by Bruce Campbell, vice president of marketing for Clare Computer Solutions

Lesson: Your excuses should be relevant to the job.
Why: Technically, the person Campbell heard speaking wasn’t the one who needs the lesson — Fernando is. Fernando’s deduction that he spoke with a deity is a personal matter, but his decision to use it as a reason to skip work affects everyone. He doesn’t explain why he’s going to inconvenience other people who rely on him. At one time or another, everyone wants to skip work, but you don’t do it unless you can justify it to the boss. When you skip work, people have to either pick up the slack or rearrange their schedules, and they expect you to provide a good reason.

2. “I only lie to girls I’m dating.” – overheard by John Fischer

Lesson: At least try to act like a decent person
Why: Unless there is some context that radically changes this overheard statement, the speaker sounds like the kind of guy you don’t want your daughter, sister, mother or friend dating or even knowing — and you probably don’t want to know him either. Simply put, he’s gross and if you heard him say this at work, you now have a low opinion of him.

Offensive or potentially offensive statements, especially when heard out of context, can really color people’s perceptions of you. If you’re going to say something of this nature, keep it between friends and away from the office. Everyone’s job will be smoother if they can at least be civil to each other.

3. “At a newspaper I worked at in the Midwest, an editor who sat in an open area regularly got into lengthy, difficult and loud discussions with her estranged husband. She was going through the divorce process, and I’m sure it wasn’t easy, but it made everyone extremely uncomfortable. The discussions could be heard clear across the room. They argued about everything — money, kids, custody, his work. It was really unprofessional on her part, and very awkward for her employees, who had no one to complain to since she was their boss.” – Robyn Davis Sekula, professional writer and media consultant

Lesson: Don’t let your personal mess spill into your professional life.
Why: Every single worker has a personal life that is sometimes unpleasant. Money woes, marriage problems, troublesome children or a million other issues can complicate your life. On some level, everyone is sympathetic when you’re stressed. But when your personal issues get mixed with your job, people question your professionalism — they assume you’re spending more time cleaning up your personal problems than doing your job. And if you’re in a position of authority, they won’t feel confident in your ability to lead, and that can have long-term effects on your career.

4. “I was a temp with a company in Iowa. I had arrived before my supervisor and was sitting in the hallway waiting for her to open the office when I overheard the most unusual conversation. A man in an upper management position in the office near where I was sitting was listening to his voice mail on speaker mode. The gist of the conversation was that he had been having an affair with someone in the office and she now was upset with him. She left him a scathing voice-mail message defining the affair and, in bold terms, described how she felt about it and him. He then proceeded to return her call. There was plenty of screaming and swearing involved in the conversation and it continued until he realized that there were other people arriving for work. I just sat there and kept quiet. I never said a word to anyone. Rumors had been circulating about this guy for some time. I was the one who now had firsthand knowledge about what was going on and was not about to share what I knew — especially being a temp.” – the Rev. Jennifer Ann Bowers

Lesson: If you are mixing business with pleasure, keep quiet. (And close your door.)
Why: Conventional wisdom advises against starting an office romance, especially if one or both of you are married. Nevertheless, that’s between you and the other person — and that’s where it should stay. Workplaces are not unlike tabloid magazines: Once a private scandal goes public, people are more concerned with those details than with your work. People might never find out the whole truth, so they will fill in the details themselves and make assumptions about you. Suddenly your reputation has been hit hard and you’ve singlehandedly turned the office into an episode of “The Young and the Restless.”

Anthony Balderrama is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, The Work Buzz. He researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/abalderrama.

Every office has the resident boss’s pet, the worker who is all too happy to fawn over the manager’s idea, no matter how bad it is. Everyone sees through the act. It’s merely a way to stay in the boss’s good graces and hopefully earn some preferential treatment.

No one likes this person. Sometimes not even the boss. Sometimes the boss does savor the attention and rewards it. You sit by while attention, promotions and other perks get handed out to the employee most willing to suck up.

If you’re not the kind of worker who is willing to wear a fake smile every moment of the day, you can still make a good impression on the boss. You’ll earn the right kind of recognition from your boss and maybe your co-workers.

First, here are the wrong ways to suck up:

· You are not 007
Your boss can’t be everywhere all the time, and when she’s not looking, employees are bound to slack off or air some grievances. That’s OK. You don’t need to sleuth on her behalf and report. Not only will you lose the trust of your co-workers, but your boss won’t be impressed with your duplicity.

· “Is it me or are you getting younger by the day?”
Who doesn’t appreciate flattery? People who can sense false flattery, that’s who. Compliments don’t matter when they’re handed out too frequently, because the recipient begins to question your authenticity. Reserve your praise for situations when your boss truly dazzles you and your words will mean something to him.

· Smothering your boss
No matter how much you want to impress your boss, don’t monopolize her time. E-mails, pop-ins, reports, meetings — give her some rest. The way to impress her is to do a good job. Annoying her won’t earn praise.

· “LOL You’re hilarious!”
Your boss is probably a nice, great person. He might even be funny. Chances are he’s not a laugh riot. It’s OK to chuckle politely when a joke falls flat, but don’t overcompensate. Nothing screams “I’m a big phony!” like someone who sounds like a 1950s studio audience.

· “Do you ever have a bad idea?”
You might not realize that your boss looks to you, her employees, for all kinds of support. She doesn’t want to always hear a chorus of “Yes, I completely agree with you” every time she proposes a new idea. Tactful, honest feedback, even when you’re disagreeing with the boss, is appreciated and can get new ideas rolling.

And here are the right ways to do it:

· Be a clock watcher
No, not the kind who can’t wait to leave work – the kind of clock watcher who cares about being on time. Arrive on time or early in the morning. Don’t be tardy to meetings. Don’t leave 20 minutes early every afternoon. Show your boss that you’re not looking for any opportunity to ditch work.

· “Go, team, go!”
Sure, don’t pretend that every idea the boss has is genius, but do give kudos to the ones that are. Give due credit to the boss even if her idea is just a steppingstone for a bigger idea that you have. It shows you recognize others’ accomplishments and that you’re interesting in maintaining good relationships with your team.

· Cover your ears
Gossip is part of the workplace, and you can’t escape it. You can, however, refuse to participate in it. Ignore what you hear and don’t repeat it to others. In fact, if you hear something that is false or that can be easily addressed, suggest to the gossiper that he or she discuss the situation with the boss. You might not get credit for being a problem solver, but resisting the temptation to engage in gossip makes for a better workplace for everyone.

· “Here’s what I think.”
Sometimes bosses aren’t as in tune with their employees as they think they are. Meanwhile, you might know exactly what’s going on at work because you work more closely with your colleagues. You can tell the boss, “Listen, although you envisioned ABC happening, XYZ is really what’s taking place.” Because you have a better perspective, you can explain why things aren’t working and possibly give your own suggestions. As long as you demonstrate that you’re keeping him informed and not trying to do his job or tattle about your co-workers, your honesty will be appreciated.

Anthony Balderrama is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, The Work Buzz. He researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/abalderrama.

In January 2009, YouGov published its list of the 10 worst business sayings. Some I more than agreed with (”thinking outside of the box,” “blue-sky thinking,” “heads up”); some didn’t bug me too much (”at the end of the day,” “going forward,” “credit crunch”). But it also got me thinking about my own version of the 10 worst business sayings.

Consequently, I compiled my own list, complete with definitions and — most importantly — the reasons they were included.

The first three top my list for their gross factor, pure and simple. Why? Because regardless of the people or situation in question, I’ve found that the overt or indirect referencing of bodily functions in a business environment gets me down.

1. Pick your brain: Substituted when someone simply wants to ask you something.

“Do you mind if I just pick your brain?”

2. Throw it against the wall and see what sticks: Often used to describe a haphazard approach to presenting a motley product line, batch of ideas, etc. “Well, let’s just throw these against the wall and see what sticks.”

3. Sweat equity: Offered up when asking people to give their time and talent, and payment is not available. “We can’t pay you your rate now, but — when we do start making money — you’ll definitely have sweat equity.”

The next three were included because of their cliché factor. Like “thinking outside the box” and “blue-sky thinking,” their overuse means they no longer catch our attention.

4. It’s not rocket science: Used most often when pointing out to someone that the task he’s been asked to complete isn’t, in fact, complicated. “After all, it’s not rocket science.”

5. The ball’s in your court: This phrase is usually thrown around (pun intended) to let others know that you’ve reached your limit with regard to handling a situation. “I’ve now done everything I can. After this, the ball’s in your court.”

6. Drill down: This is too often used to denote the vigor with which a person or team will be pursuing an objective. “Yes, Bob and I are really going to drill down on that.”

The following three made my list thanks to their redundancy:

7. I, personally: Since something that is said by you is, by definition, personal, I see no need to include both words. For example, when you take the “personally” out of the following sentence, the meaning doesn’t change. “Well, I, personally, don’t think that X should take precedence over Y.”

8. Quite unique (and its compatriots “very unique,” “really unique” and “most unique”): Despite the fact that things that are unique can’t be qualified, I see this all the time. “Our store has the most unique items.” Um … no. You can, however, say, “Our store is filled with unique items.” I have no trouble with that.

9. Past history: This one drives me wild every time I hear it, “Well, based on past history …” History is, by definition, something that occurred in the past, so why on earth say “past”?

And, finally, the most overused phrase in a business context:

10. Urgent (and its frequent companion “crisis”): I include these because, as I’m sure you’ve discovered, the use of either, or both, of these words does little to resolve what might be going on. Instead, they either ratchet up the tension or make others wonder why you are so out of control. What do I recommend you use instead? I would substitute the use of “immediate” for “urgent,” and “situation” for “crisis,” as both convey the need for action but leave others room to bring their own skills and intelligence to bear — while reflecting well on your own.

Frances Cole Jones is the author of “The Wow Factor: The 33 Things You Must (and Must Not) Do to Guarantee Your Edge in Today’s Business World.” Her company, Cole Media Management, works with clients to enhance their professional and personal presentation skills. She lives in New York City.

2009 has given employers and employees a run for their money — literally. Budgets have been cut, layoffs made and furloughs instituted, and benefits and perks have evaporated.

At the beginning of the year, 38 percent of employers said the economy would force them to make administrative cuts sometime during 2009, according to a survey by CareerBuilder.com. Sixty-five percent of those employers indicated that they would cut back company social events, 61 percent anticipated curtailing business travel, 25 percent expected to scale back on health-care benefits and 11 percent planned to reduce wellness benefits. Other areas where companies planned to cut spending included special office perks, such as coffee, ice machines or discounted vending (34 percent), incentive trips (28 percent) and philanthropic activities (21 percent).

Such perks and benefits being taken away make for a tough situation for employees. Not only are they working harder to keep their jobs, but workers have to do more for less. While some argue that it’s hard to keep employees motivated in this situation, others say that they shouldn’t focus on incentives, but rather think about the bigger picture.

“When perks and benefits are taken away, management often does this to allocate resources where they’re needed, elsewhere. The money being saved by not buying bagels every Friday or purchasing Christmas gifts for employees may be going towards your salary,” says Tom Gimbel, founder and CEO of LaSalle Network, a staffing and recruiting firm. “If you had to choose between taking a salary cut and not having free coffee versus being let go, most employees would likely take the former.”

Urmil “Tracy” Marshall, coordinator for the Office of Diversity and International Affairs at Fort Valley State University in Fort Valley, Ga., agrees that it’s important not to focus on what is being taken away. She says that due to budgetary constraints, furloughs were implemented at the school; but rather than get discouraged, she focused on the positive.

“I reminded myself how blessed I was to even have a job,” Marshall says. “We need to remind ourselves of our priorities in life, placing a greater emphasis on what we have — not what we don’t.”

Communication is key
Although it’s understandable for employees to be upset, frustrated and discouraged when benefits or perks are taken away, Kevin Sheridan, founder and CEO of HR Solutions, which specializes in helping organizations to keep employees engaged, says that employees are less likely to be upset if management communicates with employees.

In fact, 82 percent of employees surveyed in HR Solutions’ International Normative Database say that it’s important that their organization allow them to choose from a variety of benefits to meet their individual needs. The survey consisted of more than 3.3 million responses from 2,400 organizations.

“If an organization’s leadership team simply decided amongst themselves which benefits would be best to cut, employees will commonly become upset and their engagement will be negatively affected,” Sheridan says. “Open communication is a key driver of engagement, and employees will immediately recognize the fact that they had no voice in the situation. If leadership had simply asked employees which benefits were important to them, this situation may be avoided.”

Attitude is everything
Despite having to deal temporarily with a few displaced benefits or perks, there are benefits to sticking around with your employer until those things are reinstated.

“It’s a good time to remember that the perks were never the reason that you liked the job. No one gets up in the morning saying, ‘I’m really excited to go to the office because there’s free coffee,’” says Paul Glen, author and management columnist. “If people feel that the [cuts] are being made in a good-faith effort to save jobs, they will be even more loyal than before, since they believe that the company is working on their behalf — not just for executives.”

Additionally, according to the HR Solutions survey, 37 percent of employees have thought of resigning in the last six months. Twenty-three percent said they thought about leaving because of pay; 18 percent because of a supervisor or manager; 15 percent because of career advancement; and 5 percent because of benefits. Thirty-nine percent considered it for other reasons.

“This statistic is especially important because many organizations have cut benefits over the last six months, and it illustrates that the majority of employees have not thought of resigning as a result of adjusted benefits,” Sheridan says. “These employees recognize the advantages of sticking around with a company, benefits or not, for advantages such as career development and compensation. Also, as soon as the economy picks up, many benefits programs will be re-evaluated; employees sticking around with these organizations will not remain without benefits forever.”

Workers should also remember that there could be consequences to abandoning a job just because you lost free coffee or a transportation reimbursement. If you’re thinking about leaving your job for such reasons, make sure that your missing perks outweigh any possible career advancement or opportunities you would receive if you stayed.

“In this economy, it may be very hard to find another job, and there’s no guarantee that one will have free coffee, either,” Glen says. “Also, at the new job, even if it is good, the employee will have less tenure and is more likely to be cut in future layoffs.”

If you’ve had benefits or perks taken away in recent months and need help staying motivated, remember these five tips from our experts:

1. Get over it

“The longer you talk about it to fellow employees, the longer you will have bad feelings, cause others to have bad feelings and be less productive yourself, which is not what will help the company be able to restore what has been taken away,” says Aubrey Daniels, author of “Oops! 13 Management Practices That Waste Time and Money (and What to Do Instead).”

2. Find motivation
Sheridan encourages employees to find motivation through career planning with supervisors, interacting with co-workers or being proud of where they work. For example, an employee could volunteer to act as a sounding board for job candidates considering employment at the organization.

3. Create your own perks
Nancy Irwin, a motivational speaker and author, says employees can take turns bringing in coffee, bagels or potluck lunches to help fill the void of things that have been cut.

4. Understand what’s still offered and take advantage
Darcy Eikenberg, president and chief creative officer of Coach Darcy LLC, recalls a client who didn’t sign up for a course because she thought training costs had been eliminated. She realized that a co-worker was taking the course and getting it paid for from tuition reimbursement, an area that hadn’t been cut. “Do a deep dive into your company’s programs, policies and even discounts because there’s probably something you can use now,” she says.

5. Focus on the solution, not the problem
Concentrate on actions today that will affect your organization’s success and growth tomorrow, says Jonathan Berger, director of human resources at Direct Agents, an interactive advertising company. “Take this time as an opportunity to offer new ideas to your managers and take an active and entrepreneurial role in helping your company overcome straining times. If you do a good job, you may be rewarded for your efforts when things improve,” he says. “In addition, by taking on new challenges and opportunities, you can further develop your skills and make yourself a more valuable asset to any organization.”

Rachel Zupek is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, The Work Buzz. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Follow her on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CBwriterRZ.

Not so long ago, when you thought of New Year’s you thought of inebriated party-goers singing an off-key rendition of “Auld Lang Syne” while wearing tacky party hats. Today, the horde of new gym-goers crowding your local health club is a sure sign of a new year. Blame it on the countless magazine covers touting “a new year, a new you.”

This year, though, we are going to make changes. So in those last seconds of the countdown, we’ll gorge on fatty foods and puff cigarettes because our bad habits stop now. Tomorrow we march into that gym and take the first step toward a healthy lifestyle. We hope we don’t lose enthusiasm after a few weeks and end up stuck with a membership we never use. If you find yourself fading, remember that you can multitask at the gym and improve multiple aspects of your life. While you’re running on the treadmill or doing bench presses, look around for some tips on how to manage your career.

To get you started, here are nine examples of gym etiquette that hold true at work:

Gym rule No. 1: Don’t drop the weights.
Work equivalent: Don’t tell everyone how stressed you are.
Why? Dropped weights can get damaged or even break, plus the floor gets torn up. If you need assistance, get a spotter.

At work, everyone is busy and no one will have sympathy if you spend more time making a show of your to-do list than actually working. If you need help getting things done, see if someone can assist you. Otherwise you’re damaging your reputation.

Gym rule No. 2: Keep a log.
Work equivalent: Record your accomplishments.
Why? Studies have proved that people see better results when they track what exercises they perform, how much weight they use and how many repetitions they perform.

When you’ve been in the same job for a while, you begin to forget how much you’ve accomplished. If you regularly note your daily tasks, you’ll gradually see the list get longer. By the time you’re ready for a new job, you’ll have an impressive list of accomplishments to brag about.

Gym rule No. 3: Arrive to class on time.
Work equivalent: Don’t be late to meetings (or other events).
Why? When latecomers walk in 10 minutes after class started, they sneak across the room trying to be inconspicuous, but they end up disrupting everyone. You lose track of the instructor’s directions and all that time spent situating yourself is ruined when the tardy party asks if you can just scoot over a bit.

You should arrive to work on time, too, and you know that. Too often workers forget that punctuality is just as or even more important for meetings. Everyone notices when you walk in late, which means they’re wondering why they managed to adjust their schedule but you were too important to show the same courtesy. Late arrivals might cause a late start and then no one is happy with you.

Gym rule No. 4: Don’t hog the equipment.
Work equivalent: Be considerate of your colleagues.
Why? The man who decides to walk on the treadmill for two hours or the woman who parks herself at the abs machine for 10 sets are perhaps the most annoying people in the gym. They inconvenience you and everyone else.

Just as the gym isn’t your private fitness center, the workplace isn’t your home office. Don’t get on speakerphone if it means 30 co-workers will end up hearing your conversation. Don’t send so many files to the printer that no one else can use it for an hour. Don’t throw your half-eaten salmon from lunch in your trash can — take it to the break room. In short, be the kind of co-worker with whom you want to work.

Gym rule No. 5: Change up the routine.
Work equivalent: Broaden your skill set.
Why? Performing the same exercise routine every time you go to the gym will eventually lead you to stop seeing gains. You’ll stay in shape, but you won’t lose weight or build muscle. Your body gets used to doing the same thing and you’ll hit a plateau.

If you’ve held the same position for the last three years and everything you’re doing now you learned in your first week, you need to liven things up. Look into seminars, training courses, professional organizations and other opportunities at your company and elsewhere. New skills will make you a better employee (either here or for a future employer) and will prevent you from getting bored.

Gym rule No. 6: Wipe down the equipment.
Work equivalent: Maintain good relationships.
Why? Do you want to use a weight bench if you see a big pool of sweat? No, because it’s gross.

If every meeting ends with you screaming at someone or you always resign from jobs by telling the boss just how much you hate her, you’re not doing anyone any favors. The moment might have passed, but your reputation and the negative feelings you leave behind won’t be forgotten. They might even resurface when a potential employer performs a reference check and decides not to hire you.

Gym rule No. 7: Use a spotter.
Work equivalent: Know when to ask for help.
Why? Serious gym-goers, especially the ones bench pressing twice their weight, know they need to push themselves hard. They also know how dangerous that can be and they won’t want a face full of weights when their arms get shaky.

Work can be overwhelming. Maybe you’re expected to do much more than is humanly possible or perhaps you voluntarily took on a task that has grown into something more challenging than you expected. If you can recognize when you need assistance — either a person to help you out or an extended deadline — you can avoid professional disaster. Your boss will prefer your initiative to you showing up on the due date to say, “By the way, I’m not done.”

Gym rule No. 8. Know your goals.
Work equivalent: Know what you’re working toward.
Why? If you show up to the gym and have no idea if you want to lose weight, build muscle or condition for a sport, you’re probably not going to achieve much of anything. Whether you have one goal or five, if you can identify what you want to accomplish, you can find out the best ways to do it.

Your career isn’t that different. Professional goals can be less concrete than gym goals, and they usually take longer to achieve. But mindlessly going through your career without any clue where you want to end up is a sure-fire way to end up doing the same thing for 20 years. Not everyone needs to aim to be CEO or one of the head honchos. A goal can be as simple as improving your previous sales record.

Gym rule No. 9: Don’t wear stinky clothes or your junior-high gym shorts.
Work equivalent: Appearance matters.
Why? No matter where you are, stinky clothes are never appropriate. But more importantly, you need to think about what image you’re projecting. Your work appearance should align with your company’s image and your role. In other words, remember where you’re working, what position you’d like to eventually land and that you’re not going to a bar. (Unless you work in a bar; then the rules might be different.)

Anthony Balderrama is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com and its job blog, The Work Buzz. He researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues. Follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/abalderrama.